Can I go dancing on my own?

At any given social, most people arrived on their own. It is not a place you go to as a couple: it is a place you go to dance with whoever is there, and people change partner every song.

This confuses newcomers, so it is worth saying plainly: dancing with someone does not mean anything else. You dance one song, you say thanks, and you both move on. People who came with a partner will dance with other people too, and that is what everyone expects.

You walk over, put out a hand or ask. That is it. There is no formula and nobody is waiting for one.

In most places men and women both ask. If starting feels hard, wait for a song you recognise and ask someone who has just finished a dance: they have just proved they want to dance.

And you will get turned down sometimes. Almost always it is because they are tired, they do not like that song, or they had already promised it to someone. You say "sure, later" and move on. People who have been dancing for years get turned down every night and think nothing of it.

Many socials start with a short class, half an hour, before the music proper. That is the best time to arrive: the class rotates, so you end up having danced with ten people without having had to ask anyone.

And when it ends you are no longer someone who just walked in: you are someone those people have already danced with. That difference is most of it.

If the venue has no class beforehand, midweek is easier than the weekend. Tuesdays and Wednesdays are for people learning; Saturdays are for people going out.

Nobody dances every song, and sitting one out draws no attention at all: it is what half the room is doing at any moment.

Stand where the floor is visible, not in a corner. It sounds trivial and it changes the most: people do not ask someone they cannot see, and that person leaves thinking the place was unfriendly.

And you do not need to drink to be there. Half the room is on water, because there is dancing to do afterwards.

The scene is small and repetitive on purpose: the same venues, the same nights, a lot of the same people. After two or three weeks at the same social you recognise faces, and from then on you never walk in alone again even when you arrive alone.

So pick one place and repeat, rather than trying somewhere different every week. Six visits to the same Tuesday does more than six visits to six venues.